by Sophie Baker
This is the second installment in Sophie Baker’s ‘What I wish I had known…’ series, where she reflects on her approach to practice when she started out – and what she would tell her younger self now.
As I perched on the edge of the two-seater sofa in the lounge, facing Vicki*, I knew I had made a big mistake.
Not because I was intimidated by her, but because I was frightened of her boyfriend, Danny*. He stood leaning against the doorway of the lounge, blocking the only exit, with his arms crossed and his anger palpable.
Neighbours had reported incidents of suspected domestic abuse after hearing Vicki and her two young children screaming and crying.
I was freshly qualified and had been told that the police had asked Danny to leave the home, so I hadn’t been expecting him to be there.
He was immediately angry that a social worker was visiting and did not feel it was necessary. He denied that the children had been impacted by the arguments and described the neighbour who had referred them as nosy and interfering.
His eyes were bulging and he kept pointing his finger at me as he spoke.
In social work, we often visit families alone; many of these families are experiencing crises or challenges that can evoke strong emotions, like anger or fear. These situations make safety a crucial part of our practice.
Here are the lessons I wish I had known before I knocked on that door.
Making sure my supervisor knew where I was
It seems obvious, but it’s vital to let someone from your office know where you are at all times.
In this instance, I hadn’t told my supervisor where I was heading. This left me especially vulnerable.
I should have provided my supervisor with the details of whom I was visiting, the address and my estimated return time. We should have also agreed on a plan if I didn’t return as expected.
If I could go back, I’d also make sure to discuss the home visiting policy with my supervisor early on, so I was clear on how best I could be kept safe.
Better preparing my journey
Sophie Baker has over 20 years of experience working in children’s social care
I hadn’t thought through my journey to the family’s home. It was dark, it was raining and I had to park far away and walk through a poorly lit area.
By the time I reached the door, I already felt uneasy – not the best mindset for a home visit.
In hindsight, I should have parked my car as close as possible, ensuring it faced the exit and was in a space where it couldn’t be blocked in. I’d also avoid parking in a family’s driveway to ensure I could leave quickly if needed.
Before leaving my car, I’d take a moment to get my bearings so I wouldn’t feel disoriented. A great tip I’ve learned over the years is to keep your car keys in hand as you leave so you’re ready to unlock your car quickly.
Thinking about where I positioned myself
During my visit, I unknowingly positioned myself with my back to the lounge door while speaking with Vicki.
This meant I didn’t notice Danny’s presence until he started speaking. His positioning against the doorway meant I was trapped in the lounge. He could have easily stopped me from leaving had he wanted to.
At that moment, I felt incredibly vulnerable and unsettled. It made me realise just how important it is to be aware of my surroundings.
From that day forward, I made a conscious effort to choose a seat where I could clearly see both the exit and the entire room, ensuring that I always had a sense of security and control over my environment.
Trusting my instincts
Reflecting on that day, I think I sensed something was wrong as soon as Vicki answered the door.
She looked worried, but instead of pausing to ask if everything was okay, I pushed ahead with my introductions. I didn’t give her the chance to tell me that Danny was in the home.
If I could advise my younger self, I’d say to listen to those nagging feelings.
It’s perfectly acceptable to make an excuse and leave if something feels off. You can always return later with additional support, or, if you’re worried about someone’s safety, you can call your office or the police for assistance.
I’d also recommend asking directly who is in the property or if they’re expecting any visitors. This simple question can provide clarity and help you prepare for unexpected situations.
Being brave enough to ask a colleague to join me
Early in my career, I did not feel I could ask for someone to accompany me to visits. I felt that, by seeking help, I was admitting that I lacked the courage to be a social worker.
I think it’s completely normal to feel this way, especially in a profession like social work, where staff strength and resilience are celebrated. However, I now know that asking for help is actually a sign of self-awareness, not weakness.
Visiting in pairs can prove vital. Not only does it provide added safety, but it’s also a great opportunity to observe and learn from others.
On a subsequent joint visit, I remember witnessing a colleague’s compassion as she sat beside a mother experiencing postnatal depression and held her hand.
That moment profoundly influenced my practice and taught me the importance of empathy and human connection.
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The impact of fear
When people are angry, it can feel very scary.
During my conversation with Danny, my fear affected my ability to respond effectively.
I became flustered, interrupted him and struggled to find the right words, desperate to help him see how his alleged behaviour could be affecting his wife and children.
Unsurprisingly, this only escalated his frustration.
He started speaking louder. His tone became sharper and more aggressive, his body posture stiffened and his jaw was clenched. He was also muttering under his breath and scoffing at my efforts to explain why I was worried.
Learning to listen
In that moment, I felt unsure as to how I was going to calm the situation, but, over time, I’ve learned techniques to help de-escalate tense situations.
The most valuable lesson? Stop talking and listen. Let people express their feelings without interruption.
I learnt how to use a calm, steady voice and have open body language. Reflecting peoples’ emotions back to them can help too with phrases like, ‘I can see this is really upsetting for you’ or ‘I understand how frustrating this must be’.
Sometimes, just giving someone space to vent can help them feel heard and ease their tension.
Being mindful of language
I should have given more thought as to how Danny and Vicki were feeling about my visit. Home visits by social workers can feel intrusive, so building rapport and trust from the start is crucial.
Additionally, I fear the language I used felt accusatory and critical. This has made me mindful of ensuring families feel heard and supported before diving into the gritty details.
By focusing on building partnerships and genuine connections early, I found parents were more likely to co-operate and accept help.
Trust cannot be built immediately, but we can help move things along by proving early on that we are collaborative, reliable and consistent.
Fear can distort priorities
Looking back, this visit taught me the danger of fear unconsciously distorting our priorities.
If the children had been present, I might have overlooked their needs due to feeling so intimidated. Fear could have led me to rush the visit or avoid direct interactions with them.
It’s important to ensure our safety so we can think clearly and offer the best possible support to the family we’re working with.
I’d remind my younger self to pause, take a breath and remain focused on the children’s wellbeing, even in challenging situations.
*Names have been changed for anonymity.
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I think we can all relate to this very tricky situation.
I think in our profession not enough consideration is given to the worker – let’s face it, we usually work alone, and situations can change very quickly.
I have followed all of your recommendations, though sometimes necessary “attention to detail” gets lost or forgotten if we are going out following a concern for a child – our urgency takes priority.
I notice around other various public services and train stations, a very clear request / sign stating “do not abuse our staff” or similar wording.
I have always found it alarming that our social work culture does not adopt such recommendations, which should and could be highlighted across websites/ letterheadings and other prominent platforms.
We “choose” to work with, and protect children, though who or what body is protecting us?
Very true. It seems to be ‘assumed’ that SW will put up with threats, aggressive verbal assault, etc.
Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts Rosie. Your comment about the danger of the sense of urgency taking priority is so valid.
When we are feeling pressured to ‘get on with it’ there is a real risk that we unconsciously overlook our own safety. This same sense of urgency can also get in the way of proper planning in terms of enquiries and assessment.
I can across this article (https://brookespublishing.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/tomlin-pause-a-problem-solving-framework.pdf) which you might find helpful? It talks about the PAUSE model which encourages practitioners to ‘slow down, wonder and consider other perspectives before taking action’.
I would love to hear what you think?
This article made me feel angry and upset, not because of what you said, as it is true and practical, but there is often not the managerial or peer support in place to allow us to feel fully safe, protected, and supported at all times. I am a long-term Social Worker in child protection, and often I would be given the worst cases (given my experience) with no thought given to my feelings, or physical / emotional safety. I was just expected to go into ‘automatic robot mode’ to switch off my feelings, get on with it, and to deal with the negative emotions on my own.
On one particular case I had a mentally unwell Mother who was extremely aggressive and prone to making false allegations against Social Workers, with the aim being to obstruct visits. I knew I needed a second worker for my own safety, as well as to be a witness.
I started asking Social Work Colleagues if they could attend home visits with myself, which they did, however all this stopped, once the Team Manager found out. The TM was very angry and upset with me (which made me feel bad for speaking out or seeking support), and told me everybody was too busy, and nobody had the time, and I needed to go out on my own.
There was no discussion or care about how I felt, nor about possible options on how to manage and deal with the situation. This TM did not even offer to accompany and support me themselves, and this person had almost no direct client contact (bar putting in an occasional appearance at a CP Conference) & also had a very comfortable 9am -5pm as a permanent TM.
I suggested taking the duty social worker, and again I was told no. I asked what would happen if the Mother made a false allegation against me (which would need to be referred to the police and the LADO as correct due process), and I was waved away and told not to worry, as the TIM would know the Mother ‘Was lying’ (which is appalling within itself, given all allegations need to be investigated to protect children etc).
I was not prepared to compromise on my own safety and well-being, so I handed in my notice – and I later found out the Mother made a false allegation against the next Social Worker, which resulted in an investigation and LADO involvement (which will show up on a future DBS check) – which could have all been avoided had there been two workers. The person who got the raw deal was the next Social Worker, whilst the organisation (i.e. the LA), got none.
The way organisations and managers treat Social Workers is appalling, even the Police, Housing, Ambulance Workers go out in pairs, and we are denied this basic human and safety right.
Thank you for sharing – I am so sorry to hear that you have experienced this situation.
It can be really difficult when you don’t feel supported to stay safe during home visits. As social workers, we’re so used to advocating for others but it can feel risky to advocate for ourselves – especially when it means questioning management decisions.
In the future, if you ever feel unsafe in this way, it might help to refer to your organisation’s lone working policy or consider asking for a risk assessment to highlight any concerns. You could also speak with a senior manager, HR, or a union representative if you don’t feel heard.
That being said, finding the confidence to raise concerns about management isn’t easy, especially if we are worried we could be seen as being difficult. But, these are the times we need to be brave because our safety matters and we absolutely have the right to be safe at work.
Good luck A
I am very sad to read your account “A”. That is an absolutely unacceptable situation to be put into, with no support. I am so sorry.
It does however sound like a familiar story in our profession when managers blatantly dismiss “our concerns and safety” to give priority to getting the visit completed, and the “box ticked”.
I can relate previously to a male client who alleged I had had a romantic relationship with him (untrue), as a means of “getting me off the case” and undermining my relationship with his partner, whom i had built a relationship with, and who was a victim of domestic violence from him. I felt violated by the allegation.
I was removed ftom the case, and he then made allegations about the next male Social Worker.
My manager then, in her reflective discussion with me, asked me the question “do you think there was anything in your body language/ mannerisms for the client to believe there was some kind of relationship developing between us” (I had met the client only once in the office with a colleague).
I was horrified and upset that my manager displayed complete non support, and a lack of insight and compassion, and I felt violated all over again.
I recall, in addition, at a meeting another client made an untrue allegation about me directly to my face in a very threatening manner. A manager who also attended the meeting, said nothing to support me, and displayed surprise when I took some “time out” following this to support myself.
I have been in the profession for a number of years and there are occasions when I refuse to engage with a client, if my position has been compromised by them.
Managers involved display irritability with these situations as they then have to re-allocate the case. I then often suggest that I would be worried for the next worker.
Managers do not like these “complications” since this detracts from meeting targets and getting the job done.
And so it continues …
Can I ask “A” are you still not in the role, as you said you handed your notice in, following the situation?
So this means we are losing exceptional workers, who attempted to use significant strategies to support themselves in their role …. and yet with no support from managers.
I would consider that managers “seeing for themselves” and accompanying us on tricky visits, may be the first step to acknowledging and thus responding to the challenges we face.
I will watch this space.